Stained Glass Roses
by Moosey Muffin
Summary: After Raven's heart has been torn to shreds by Robin, Beast Boy tries to help. However he learns that Raven has a secret....BBxRae
1. The Look In Your Eyes

Stained Glass Roses

A/N: hey guys and welcome to another Bigfoot On Crack Fic! I'm glad to see your smiling faces as you read this perplexed because you know that I know that you know these random tidbits are very boring to you! Yeah, I've cracked even more since Innocent Addiction….heh heh…but hopefully you'll find that amusing. Anyways, ewwwwwww that water tasted like perfume….I'm gonna try really hard to make this my best and longest fic yet!

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Teen Titans…….or anything else I might randomly mention in this story or in others. Please go choke on a chikin bone now you good for nothing lawyer…on second thought…just don't sue me!! Please? I ish funny…sometimes….**

**Okay so later in the chapter and many times in the fic BB (and possibly others) will go into Raven's mind so here's a color code guide. NOTE: not all of these are right and some I just plain out made up.**

**Pink: Happiness/Optimism**

**Green: Bravery**

**Purple: Love**

**Yellow: Wisdom**

**Red: Anger/Hatred/Evil**

**Orange: Grossness**

**Grey: Timid/Anxiety**

**Red-Orange: Sarcasm**

**Lime Green: Jealousy**

**Brown: Confusion**

**Olive: Humor**

**Black: Depression/Pessimism **

**Seafoam Green: Innocence**

**Silver: Leadership**

**Blood Red: Lust**

**Color Changing: Deception**

**Baby Blue: Kindness/Compassion/Empathy**

**Gold: Pride**

Chapter 1: The Look In Your Eyes 

((Raven's POV))

"I'm home." I stated to no one as I walked into the main room of the tower after a long night of walking and flying around the city trying to clear my head. The room was dark except for a clock in the middle of it that flashed 4:00 A. M.

I walked to the refrigerator, got myself some strawberries, and was walking towards the hall that led to my room when a voice from the couch said, "Took ya long enough."

I wheeled around to see a large pair of sleepy, green eyes peering out at me from behind the couch. "Beast Boy, what are you still doing up?"

The young changeling jumped up from the couch and walked over to me. "I was waiting for you, Raven. Why do you keep leaving every night?" He asked with worry plastered all over his face.

"It's none of your concern." I replied softly and began to walk toward the hall that led to my room.

"It is my concern if something's wrong." He said grabbing my wrist firmly so I couldn't walk away.

"Nothing's wrong!" I managed to choke out. Just thinking about what I'd been going through lately made my heart ache. I felt the sadness and confusion become heavier on my heart and, suddenly, a ketchup packet on the other side of the room exploded.

"See, look at that! I'm not stupid, Raven. Please, just tell me what's upsetting you, maybe I can help!"

I twisted my wrist out of his grasp and turned towards him "There's nothing you can do, Beast Boy. There's nothing anyone can do!" I said icily and glided down the hall.

"Raven, wait!" he objected. "C'mon, Rae, just sit down with me and talk about what's going on! You can't keep shutting everyone out like this! Please, Rae, we all really care about you and don't want to see you like this!" He stopped just as we reached me door.

"Goodnight, Beast Boy." I uttered sadly as I quickly ran into my room and shut the door in his face. I sighed and flopped down onto my bed. 'I'm so sorry, Beast Boy. I wish I could tell you. I wish I could tell you everything.'

((BB POV))

I stood outside her door feeling crushed. "Raven, please don't shut me out forever." I whispered so quietly it was almost inaudible. I trudged slowly back to my room feeling exhausted and defeated and sunk into my bed. 'I wish you'd let me help you. I just want to make you happy.'

((elapsed time))

'That was almost a month ago. She won't speak to me about it and she still denies that she goes out every night.' I thought bitterly as I transformed into a fly. 'But not tonight, tonight I will find out what is going on!' I declared to myself as I flew through my vent. I took a couple turns and ended up looking through Raven's vent. **(A/N: he'd studied the ventilation system with Cyborg during his almost month long plotting period.)**

She was hovering over bed in a meditation pose. Her meditation mirror was hovering a couple inches in front of her. 'Well, it's now or never.' I thought solemnly as I flew down to her. With a final "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!!!" we were enveloped in black light. It slowly slipped off of us to reveal the dark, creepy Trigon infested part of Raven's mind. I quickly zoomed behind Raven before she could notice me and followed her into the land of air refresheners. 'I really gotta find out what the real name of this part of her mind is…' I thought as I quickly flew into a nearby bush.

Raven glided over to a spot about 3 yards from me, sat down in the grass, and sent a beam of white light into the air. I'm pretty sure that she was calling her emotions because, sure enough, they appeared out of nowhere and sat down with her making one big circle of Ravens.

"You all know why you're here, so what are we going to do about it?" Raven asked looking sternly into the face of each of her emotions.

"We have to find him! Find him and face Trigon once and for all!" Bravery piped up.

'Of course the marine wants to go off fighting everyone…' I thought rolling my thousands of eyes.

"How are we ever supposed to find him if we have no idea who he is or even what he looks like? This whole thing is futile, we'll never stop IT." The Raven in the grey cloak whined.

"I agree with Timid! We have to do what is necessary, not what we'd like to do…you know what I mean by that Raven." Depression voiced giving Raven a look of hopelessness.

'What does she mean by that? Whatever it is it can't be good.'

"NO! We can't give up yet, Raven. We have to look for him. His love could save us all!" Happiness encouraged, flashing a toothy grin to the other Ravens.

'Okay, this just went from weird to completely psychotic! Who in the world are they talking about and why don't I know about him? What's gonna happen if she doesn't find this dude?' I shifted in the bush uncomfortably— big mistake. I rustled some of the leaves and almost instantly I had every Raven's eyes on my bush. **(A/N: yes I'm aware of how incredibly wrong that sounds….but I couldn't help it! It was wide open, and I have no self-control.)**

'Shit!' I though angrily.

"W-what was that?" Timid asked partially hiding herself behind Wisdom.

"I'll go check it out!" Bravery suggested while jumping to her feet.

"No, we can't be distracted by petty things like that if we're ever going to get this problem resolved!" Wisdom counseled.

"She's right, Bravery. Sit back down!" Leadership commanded.

Bravery started to protest but decided against it when she remembered the last time she fought with Leadership. She sneered at Bravery and sat back down.

'Phew! I was almost toast for a second there! I better get out of here.' I carefully flew through a couple more bushes around the girls until I was facing the portal that led to the realm of the Forbidden Door. Once there, I changed back into myself and looked around nervously for enemies. Instead, I saw this really weird statue. I walked over to it to get a better look.

"I-I don't believe it!" I whispered in amazement.

It was a stone statue of Terra stabbing one Raven through the heart while another Raven stabbed Terra through the back of the head. The Raven on the ground had tears in her eyes, Terra was laughing, and the other Raven wore a horrifyingly evil grin. My mind stopped as if it couldn't comprehend what I was seeing. I looked around wildly for an explanation, and suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Raven in a baby blue cloak.

"It's Hatred and Love, Raven's strongest emotions." She said gently.

"B-but why Terra?" I asked shakily.

Kindness stepped closer to the statue, touched Love's face and replied, "Because Terra took something that Raven loved very dearly away from her. Terra took what Raven practically lived for at the time and used it as her toy. However, Terra isn't the only one with a statue like this…"

She waved her hand and more statues broke through the ground and landed around us. There were so many, one of Malchior holding Raven's hand, one of Trigon slapping a child Raven, and one of— OH MY GOD WHAT IS ROBIN DOING TO HER? My mouth fell open as I gawked at Robin holding Raven against a wall kissing her neck.

"What the FUCK!?!" I screamed.

"Yes, that would be Lust, the one of Malchior is Naivete, Trigon and Raven is Innocence…" She went on naming these for what seemed like forever, but my eyes kept going back to the one of Robin and Raven. The look Robin had on is face in it was detestable, and Raven looked lost and afraid, but at the same time looked like she wasn't going to make any attempt at stopping him.

'That just made me sick. I knew they'd been close for a while, but just how close did they get?' This thought disturbed me more than anything.

"You are upset by that one?" Kindness said gesturing toward the accursed statue.

"Yes…quite upset." I growled through gritted teeth. "How did it happen?"

"Robin had been very close to her after the world almost ended. She thought she loved him. He played with her emotions and left her." She said sadly looking at me remorsefully.

"He didn't…did he?" I questioned with a look of plain horror on my face.

"If you mean 'did he take advantage of her,' then no. She told him she wasn't ready to go that far with anyone, and he left her."

'That asshole…Wonderboy's gonna be hearing from my fist, unless my foot gets up his ass first.'

"What did Raven do?"

"She…she tried to commit…Beast Boy you have to leave NOW! I sense that Raven is headed in this direction!"

I stood there looking dumbstruck for a moment, then remembered what Raven would do to me if she found me here and ran for the Forbidden Door.

"Come back when you have more questions!"

I jumped through the portal thinking, 'What does she mean when I have more questions? I have questions _now_!'

When I found myself back in Raven's room I quickly ran out and went back into my room. I looked at the clock, it was five in the morning and I hadn't slept at all, but I couldn't sleep with all this on my mind. I paced around the room anxiously thinking about all the horrible secrets I had just found out, and all the mysteries I had stumbled upon.

'Why did Raven never tell me any of this? She should know that I understand better than anyone what being betrayed by a loved one is like! How could she have just bottled all of that up and never told anyone? And how in the hell could Robin even think of doing that to her?!?' I suddenly stopped pacing and turned to face my door. "I'm not sure how but I'm about to fucking find out." I pledged to no one as I walked out my door toward Robin's door.

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((Raven's POV))

'Some meeting.' I thought tiredly as I passed into the part of my mind that held the Forbidden Door. 'We hardly got anything done…wait, what's going on here?' I looked around to see all of my sealed emotions in a circle around Kindness.

"Kindness, what are you doing here?" I asked suspiciously.

"I think you are making a mistake, Raven."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you locking up these emotions. It's not healthy for you or for any of us."

"What do you mean?"

"She means, that for one, learning control of your emotions is part of growing up, and two, Love is the only one capable of saving us now." Wisdom said gliding between them and looking at the statues.

"But if I let Love out, all the others will come out too!" I protested.

"Yes, but you-we're stronger now. We'll all work together to for balance, nothing will consume all of you like in times before." Wisdom stated.

"Do it, Raven," Kindness encouraged.

"Here goes nothing…" I touched my hand to the statue of Love and Hatred and yelled, "Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!!!"

Light erupted from the rock immediately, and pieces began breaking off and flying in all directions. The force from it threw us to the ground a few feet away as it began a chain reaction. Soon, all the rock had been blown off and my previously quarantined emotions looked down on me from where they were standing. I stood up and looked at each of them…but where was Hatred?

Just then, I got my answer…"YOU BITCH!" Hatred roared and lunged at me from above. I swerved to avoid her and put chains on her feet the instant she touched ground.

"Get me the hell out of here! I'm gonna rip your fucking head off!" She howled and continued to try and reach me.

I ignored her and turned toward Love. "Are you aware of my current situation?" I asked shrewdly.

"Yes, I'm afraid so, hon." She said looking at me with sad eyes.

"One, don't call me that. Two, what am I supposed to do?"

"You must learn that what you seek is not always as far away as you think?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked through gritted teeth. I could already feel the new emotions lashing out inside me. It made me feel nauseous.

"You will know what it means in time, but for now you must trust me and follow your heart." She replied looking at me in a dream-like state.

"Whatever…I gotta get some rest." I weakly glided through the Forbidden Door and dropped onto my bed. Almost instantly I fell asleep, but only to fall into tortured dreams.

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((Beast Boy's POV))

**BANG!** **BANG!**

I knocked on Robin's door about 50 billion times before he answered. He opened it looking rather stunned to see me.

"What's up, Beast Boy?" He asked innocently.

"Don't you give me that innocent shit, Wonderboy! You know exactly why I'm here." I accused.

"No, I really don't. Why are you acting like this?" He replied quizzically.

"Does the name Raven mean anything to you?" I snarled.

"Why…is she in trouble?"

I almost killed him right then and there. "NO! I'm talking about YOU hurting her…" '…You complete dipshit.'

His face suddenly clouded and he shortly replied, "Go away now, Beast Boy!"

He tried to close the door, but I was too quick for him. I pushed it back open and shoved him to the ground. "What did you do to her?"

"How do even know? I bet she told you all kinds of shit about how I beat her and tried to rape her! I'll get that little…"

"YOU DID WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?" I screamed, turned into a tiger and lunged at him. He screamed and tried to throw me off, but to no avail. I was stronger than him((suprisingly)). He finally got me off of him and began hitting me with anything he could find. I was about to take a slash at his filthy, god-forsaken throat when out communicators began flashing.

Cyborg knocked on the door, "Mad Mod's causing trouble at the bank, hurry up!"

I sighed in relief at the fact that he somehow managed not to hear our ruckus. "Comin'!" I replied, then turned to Robin and gave him an icy glare. "We'll finish this later."

"Like hell we will." He mumbled as I ran out the door.

When I got to the main room Raven, Starfire, and Cyborg were waiting for me.

"Please, where is Robin?" Starfire asked kindly. 'Too bad you don't know what a dick he is.'**((A/N: get it? His real name is Dick Garrison? Well….i thought it was funny…)) **

"Right here, Star." He said running up. "Now let's go!"

We all obliged, but when I looked at Raven she seemed to shrink slightly in Robin's presence, like the weight of ten thousand nations rested on her shoulders. Seeing her like that made my stomach churn, which only served to piss me off further. When we left the tower I turned into a hawk so I could follow her. Robin and Cyborg took Cyborg's car. Since Starfire was with us I couldn't really talk to her about anything, but just watching her to make sure she was okay was enough for now.

**((A/N: so I kinda just don't even care about giving you a battle scene right now…sorry…I will later though….pinky swear!))**

"Um…if it okay with friends Raven and Beast Boy**((A/N: I just misspelled boy like 65 times……please relish my stupidity…..then laugh………I SAID LAUGH DAMN YOU!!)) **then I should like very much to return to the tower in friend Cyborg's car." Starfire asked hopefully.

"Go ahead, Star," Raven replied monotonously.

After Raven and I left the others ((to fly back)) I looked over at her and she looked quite a bit happier than she had. She caught me staring at her, and I tried to make it look like I hadn't been, but when it comes to subtlety I suck…badly.

"Why do you keep doing that? You were staring at me on the way here too. Do I have some type of disfigurement that I'm not aware of?" She asked eyeing me suspiciously.

"No…um the weather's nice today, huh?" I stated trying desperately to change the subject.

She looked at me weird, but dropped the subject…that is until we landed on top of the tower.

"What's with you, Beast Boy…you're acting really strange. Well, stranger than normal."

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……well…you see…that's because…becauseifoundoutaboutyouandRobinandIdon'tknowwhattodo'causeI'mreallyworriedaboutyouandIthinkhe'ssuchanassholefordoingthattoyou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I squeaked.

Raven stopped walking toward the trap door **((A/N: what do they have up there anyway?))** instantly. She gave me a look of death, and used her magick to bind me and bring me over to her…rather roughly I might add. "How did you find out?!?" She demanded.

"I-I kind of stumbled upon it by accident." I was trying to pick my words carefully, so I wouldn't have to completely lie to her.

She looked as if she would throw me off the tower but, instead, dropped me and broke down. I couldn't believe it, she was on the ground ((of the roof)) gagging and coughing up blood.

"RAVEN!!!" I screamed, but found myself unable to move to help her.

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. Tears I knew she'd been keeping locked inside herself for God only knows how long. "Don't tell…" She pleaded, then used her magick to phase herself back into the tower.

I stood there in awe of what I'd seen. My brain wouldn't work, and my heartbeat was slow. My blood didn't seem to be flowing…I felt light-headed. I fell to my knees with tears stinging at my eyes. 'She's my friend…she's my friend and she's been hurting all this time and no one's noticed. And now…now she's sick from the pain.' I put my head against the cool concrete and stretched out my hands. I needed some time to recuperate, so I could think straight enough to help her. Because now that I knew I had to help her.

"I'll never tell…" I whispered as I slipped into unconsciousness.

xoxoxo**((did you know that this is the name of a really good Fall Out Boy song?))**xo

**A/N: okey dokey…we've reached the end……yes the very, very, dead end…..of chapter one! Gah! I wouldn't leave you guys hanging like that! ((there are authors that are that evil, but I ain't one of 'em.)) so please review……and if you're a DannyxSam fan check out the other fic I'm working on called Innocent Addiction.**

**Love yams…((God, it feels good to say that again!))**

**Megan**


	2. Your Skin's Soft Decay

Chapter 2: Your Skin's Soft Decay 

**DISCLAIMER: I own a couple pictures I drew of Raven, Beast Boy, and Starfire…nothing more.**

**A/N: Okay, so I'm back for another chapter, but first I'd like to quickly answer some reviews….**

**Here's an emotion I forgot to mention: Cowardice – Pale Yellow**

**avoicefromtheshadows: thank you very much! And I promise my jokes aren't always that bad…but I was really hyper and as I have previously stated I have no self-control.**

**beautifulpurpleflame: OMG!! I couldn't believe that I had done that when I went back and looked, because I really did know that it was Grayson…you probably don't believe me but I really am serious. Sorry about that guys!!**

**Classic Rocker: thanks, and I will….btw love the name**

**Emma Catherine: I will…about 5-10 chapters more!**

**Mind of Mencia: alright…a little constructive criticism! Yeah I know…um I'll explain that in just a second…now that I can work on after this whole replying to reviews thing I promise I'll go straight to it!**

**Metal Storm: though I doubt you're reading this…Robin to me is waaaaaaaay to perfect and I think something might be going on with that, ya know? That's just my personal opinion though…and I like the Starfire/Robin pairing, but I also like the way I made him in this. And who said Beast Boy isn't the charming one? **

**DeathIsWatching: I will update as soon as I can, but until I finish Innocent Addiction it won't be as often as my reviewers would like…but I do try REALLY hard!**

**ahilty: I'm glad to have peaked your interest, and I'm very happy you support my Robin OOC decision…because I mean who else was gonna do it Cyborg? Nooooooooooooo freakin way! **

**NovembersRose: thank you so much!! Yeah I've already got some requesting that I bring the author's notes down to a minimum. And I plan to update as soon as possible. ((like every weekend or every other weekend.))**

**Anime Magick: yay! You finally read it!! So did ya like it?**

**Elphaba-smartgirl: thanks so much! I really think you're gonna like the way this fic is going to go….i know I do.**

**Karen Houston: yeah don't worry bout that…this is going to be continued until I'm positive that I've done the best I can and decide to end it.**

((Raven's POV))

'Did that just happen?' I thought as I dropped onto my bed. My body was weak and my mind was in a torrent of emotions. 'Who knew letting out a couple emotions could make me so stupid. I can't believe I just did that! Now he'll tell everyone and they'll all hate me!' My thoughts were as bitter as the metallic taste in my mouth, but as hard as I tried to stop, I just kept coughing up blood. 'What am I going to do?'

I wanted to scream and, suddenly, my body began to ache and convulse wildly. Fear consumed my thoughts and I began to cry like a baby. Things in my room began to break and spin around in the air like leaves in autumn. In my madness I fell to the floor and writhed around, searching for something, anything to knock me out. My body finally gave into exhaustion after about 20 minutes of this, and began pulsing. I tried to collect my thoughts, but it seemed hopeless.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…" I chanted in vain.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, there was a knock at my door.

"Raven…Raven let me in." A voice from my nightmares called. He was speaking sweetly through the door, but I knew as soon as I let him in his voice would be about as soft as the blows he'd inflict upon me.

"G-go to hell…" I whimpered. I sincerely hoped I hadn't sounded as weak as I felt.

"Now Raven, that's no way to talk to me…" He replied. His voice was like sugar…supposing sugar can taste good at one second, then make your mouth bleed the next.

I tried to use my magick to lock the door, but he was too strong for me in my weakened state. He walked in quietly like a big cat stalking his prey; his eyes had a menacing look in them that I'd hoped I would never see again.

"Get out!" I growled as I staggered to my feet.

He put his arms around me and whispered in my ear. "What did you tell him?"

"N-nothing…don't get him into this please!" 'WHAT?!? Am I just gonna let him walk all over me?' someone in my head ((probably Bravery)) screamed, but was drowned out by Fear and Cowardice ((Cowardice was one that was locked up)).

"Sorry, Raven, but _you_ are the one who brought him into this, but don't worry, _you'll be the one paying for his insolence."_ With that last poisonous sentence he threw me to the ground, and began kicking me as hard as he could.

I wanted to scream, but my throat kept closing up every time I tried. I used my magick to fling things at him, but none of them even got near him before they exploded.

"No…" I breathed. "NO!!" I bit into his leg, causing blood to start pouring from it.

He cursed, grabbed my throat, and pulled me up by it. He looked like he was about to start beating me again, but a knock at the door stopped him. "Would friends Robin and Raven like to partake in weekly ceremony of the pizza eating?" Starfire questioned innocently.

"Sure, Star, we'll be there in a minute!" His voice went back to the pleasant, kind voice you'd expect the leader of the Teen Titans to have.

"Okay, I shall meet you in the kitchen!" She responded and walked away.

"Treacherous Snake!" I whispered.

He narrowed his eyes at me, threw me down, and walked out the door like nothing had happened. I heard him chatting happily with Cyborg in the hall; it made me sick. However, what made me even sicker was the fact that I had to go out there as if I hadn't just had the shit knocked out of me, and lie to all of my friends. Though as much as I hated it, I knew it had to be done, so I tended to my cuts and bruises the best I could, then ventured into the hall feeling even weaker and dumber than I had before. When I got to the kitchen, I immediately noticed that Beast Boy was missing.

"Where's Beast Boy?" I asked Cyborg with…was that a hint of worry in my normally monotonous voice? 'I gotta keep it together or the others might figure out that something's up!'

"You know….I have no idea. I haven't seen the little dude all day! Maybe he's doing something in town or something." Cyborg shrugged his shoulders and crammed another slice of his all meat pizza into his mouth.

"But it is not like friend Beast Boy to leave without telling us!" Starfire pointed out.

"Star's right, we should go look for him!" Robin added.

"NO! I mean…don't worry…I'll look for him myself. I need the fresh air anyway." I lied. 'Really I just want to know whether Robin did something to him or not.'

"You sure, Rae? I'll go with you if you want." Cyborg offered.

"I'll be fine. In fact, I'll be back really soon." I called to them as I left the kitchen and made my way to the roof. Since that was the last place I had seen him, I figured it would be a good place to begin my search.

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((Beast Boy's POV))

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Somewhere in the vast abyss of Beast Boy's subconscious.

I got up and looked around to see the world was in black and white. There was an unfamiliar eerieness that shrouded everything in my vision. I tried to find out where I was, but all I could see around me was rubble. Just then, my nose caught the scent of something I was hoping not to encounter; I smelled death.

Though I did not wish to come into contact with a dead body, my curiosity prevented me from being able to decline following the scent. I walked through a couple more yards of rubble before I came upon the body. It was covered in what seemed to be a dark colored, maybe blue, blanket ((though as I said I could only see in black and white.)) and their was blood splattered on and all around it. The stench of death became even stronger, but I had to find out who was under that blanket.

I crawled over to it, and was about to pull the blanket when I realized I recognized this so called "blanket." My eyes widened in horror as I realized that it was Raven's cloak. My heart suddenly jumped up into my throat, as I carefully pulled the top of the cloak up to reveal Raven's face. Her face didn't look peaceful like most people's tend to at death, hers looked…haunted, like she had died from grief. I pulled the cloak completely off her, to find her body lacerated to the point where some of her skin was no more than ribbons.

"N-no…Raven…please…don't leave me!" I whimpered; grabbing her up and holding her head against my chest.

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"Beast Boy…Beast Boy I'm right here."

"Whuh?" I asked groggily as my eyes opened slightly.

"I'm here, right here." Raven reassured me as I sat up and my vision became more clear.

I looked at her sitting beside me, relieved that it had only been a dream. She looked tired and stressed-out, but she was alive, and that's all the mattered to me right now. I was so happy to see her there that I lost my mind for a second and pulled her into a hug.

She started to protest, but when I said, "I'm so glad you're alive." I think she sensed that I really needed that hug and put up with it.

After I let go of her, she asked, "What were you talking about?"

'Maybe it's best not to tell her that I dreamt of her…' "Um…before, you scared me…all that blood, you know?" I fibbed.

She looked into my eyes for a minute, which sent a chill down my spine, then replied, "Has he done anything to you?" 'Wait a sec, was that…concern in her voice? Nah, I must be hearing things.'

"Who? Robin? No, but that's not important. I want to know exactly what he did to you…that is, I mean…I only want to know because I'm really worried about you, Raven." I braced myself for the yelling that would follow, but instead she sighed and looked away from me.

"I-I'm not sure that I'm ready to tell everything, but…I'll try to open up."

My jaw dropped. "REALLY?" I asked incredulously.

"Mmm-hmm." She nodded. "But, let's wait until tomorrow, okay?"

"Wow, I can't believe this! You've never opened up to me before…EVER!!! Yeah, I'll wait for something this huge!"

I got up and started prancing around the roof like I was king of the world. I looked over at her to see her give me a once in a blue moon smile. It was small, but to me it was everything, since I had only seen her smile like once before then. I ran back over to her and sat down in front of her, flashing her a huge, goofy grin.

"You know what, how about we go just have fun for a bit and forget about everything! The others are probably just eating pizza like we do every Friday, and I'd rather be with you right now anyway. And I can't really hang with you at home, after all, they'd probably think it was pretty weird if we were spending time together." 'C'mon Rae, I want to make you happy…please come with me!'

"Well…I dunno…" She frowned in thought.

"You know you want to, Rae." I pleaded and held out my hand.

She thought for a bit longer, then sighed and said, "Okay, okay, let's go." She immediately turned into a raven using her magick.

I put my hand back down by my side, feeling a slight twinge of sorrow because of her refusal to take it, but recovered quickly and exclaimed, "Follow me!"

I jumped off the building, then halfway to the ground I turned into a hawk. I flew out over the ocean, turning my head ever so often to make sure Raven was still there. I smiled to myself when I thought about how confused she must've been as to where we were going. After a couple minutes of flying, I spied what I was looking for on the coast of the land to the east of us. There, nestled inside a semi-circle of enormous pine trees, was a small meadow, complete with a bench that looked out into the ocean.

When we landed, Raven looked around at the meadow with wide eyes. "This place is really nice, Beast Boy. How did you find it?"

'S-she really likes it?' I thought while beginning to blush. "Well…actually I was just flying around one day and kinda found it. I kept coming whenever I needed to be alone or something, and eventually I added a bench and even planted some flowers." I said gesturing to a patch of violets.

"I never really thought of you as the flower type. " She remarked as she sat down on the bench.

"I'm not, but when I saw these for some reason I just couldn't resist." I shrugged and sat down beside her. 'Wow, I can't believe this. Up until today Raven would hardly ever even come within three feet of me, and now we're sitting here talking like we've always been close. This is so weird but, in a way, it's really nice.'

The sun was just beginning to set, and the sky was tinted with shades of orange, purple, yellow, blue, and pink. The water was a dazzling shade of aquamarine, and the sound of the waves was rather relaxing. It was strange that with all this natural beauty around me, I kept wanting to stare at Raven. It was unconscious at first, I didn't even realize I was doing it. I would go into a numb state, and when I would snap out of it I'd be looking at Raven.

I guess I'd never realized how beautiful she was until now. Her eyes, though sorrowful, were big and beautiful, her lips were full, and her hair fell delicately around her face, accentuating her bone structure. Her body was sleek and curvy, and her body suit showed this off very well. Though I'd never found pale skin attractive before, on her it looked elegant like porcelain, soft to the touch but easy to break if you weren't careful.

After a while, she must have noticed my eyes on her, because she shifted uncomfortably and asked, "What? Is there something on my face?"

I looked down at my feet, blushing uncontrollably. "No, I was just…out of it I guess…sorry"

"It's okay." She looked down into her lap with a slight blush crawling across her cheeks. "Beast Boy?"

"Yes?"

"You were right…this was fun." She said looking up at me, this time she did not allow her mouth to smile, but her eyes were smiling bright enough to compensate for it.

I got another big, cheesy grin on my face and jovially replied, "I'm glad you thought so! You're welcome to come with me whenever you want to."

"Could we, maybe come here to talk tomorrow?" She questioned wistfully.

"Yeah, in fact, you could go ahead and tell me if ya want." I was trying to make the night last as long as I possibly could, because I'm sure that this was the most I'd ever talked to Raven.

"Thanks, but right now, I think it's time to go home before the others get worried."

Though I wasn't ready for the night to end yet, I obliged since she was probably right anyway. "Alright, let's go then." I took one last look at everything, turned into a hawk, and began to fly off with Raven following close behind.

When we got back to the tower, Raven and I made up some story about how she found me patrolling the city and said everyone was worried about me and convinced me to come back. I spent some time with all of them, secretly stealing glances at Raven and throwing death glares at Robin while doing so. After about an hour, I told them I was tired and went to my room, though I knew I wouldn't be able to get to sleep for a very long time.

'Today was the strangest day I've had in a while.' I thought as I was lying on my bed with a smile on my face. 'I went from knowing nothing to knowing more than I could've ever hoped to know, _and_ she promised to tell me _more_ tomorrow. I hope she's doing okay; she seemed fine when it was just us, but as soon as we got back she seemed to weaken in front of Robin.' I pondered this for a minute, then decided it was best to just let Raven tell me about that kind of thing in time.

'I'm still wondering what was up with whoever that guy was that the Ravens were talking about. But, I guess the real question is what was going on with my hormones today? I mean, at first I was just out with a friend trying to make her happy, and the next I was wanting to be closer to her, and even checking her out! C'mon now, brain! This is Raven we're talking about, she'd probably kill me if she knew I was thinking that kind of stuff about her! Besides, I highly doubt I'm her type.' I thought the last part bitterly and, for some reason, got really pissed off as I thought of her two previous boyfriends.

'Malchior betrayed her completely, and he was her first love, now Robin has apparently beaten and almost raped her. Why does she fall for such assholes? I wonder if she ever plans to love again, after all, Love is locked up. How does she know that she'll never find someone who's good to her, if I was her boyfriend, I would never treat her badly. If she was mine, she would be truly loved…wait! What am I thinking? I can't go saying things like that! What if she can read minds or something, but if she could read minds then she would never have been with Robin or Malchior. Still, I can't start thinking about Raven like that. Grrrr….What am I doing! This is all pointless!' I threw a stuffed animal off my bed, ((Yeah, I know how that sounds, but it was a very special stuffed animal that I'd had since I was little.)) and got out my sketchbook.

I turned to a fresh page and began sketching a picture of the way my secret spot had looked tonight. I was halfway through drawing the horizon when I realized there was tons of room on the paper still. Once I had finished the horizon, I started on the bench and the flowers. I zoned out afterwards, and when I came to, I realized I had drawn two people on the bench. Upon closer analysis of the beings, I could tell that one was girl with short, dark hair, and the other was a boy with spiky dark hair, and lightly shaded skin. I blinked a couple times to let the meaning of the picture sink in fully, and then understood what I had done.

"It's Raven and I," I whispered in disbelief of what I had drawn. In the picture, I had my arm around her and we were holding hands and looking into each others' eyes.

I started to tear it out, but stopped suddenly. "M-maybe I'll keep this around…just in case."

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((Raven's POV; earlier))

My hunch was right, I found Beast Boy almost exactly where I had left him. I ran over to him thinking he had been knocked out at first, but when I got to him I found that he was just sleeping. He looked like he was in a rather uncomfortable position, so I turned him over onto his back and stretched his limbs out for him with my magick.

"N-no…Raven…please…don't leave me!" He whimpered in his sleep.

"Beast Boy…Beast Boy I'm right here." I said nudging him softly.

"Whuh?" He asked groggily as he began opening his eyes.

"I'm here, right here." I told him again. 'What is going on?'

I was tired and stressed-out, but glad that Robin hadn't hurt him. He looked at me as if he'd seen a ghost for a moment, then pulled me down to his chest and into a hug. He held onto me as if I was going to disappear if he let go.

I opened my mouth to tell him to get off me, but he cut me off by saying, "I'm so glad you're alive." I immediately stopped what I was doing, and even hugged him back a little. 'No one's ever said that to me before…' I thought in disbelief.

He held me for another moment or two, and when he finally let go, I asked, "What were you talking about?" It was strange; I missed his arms around me already.

"Um…before, you scared me…all that blood, you know?"

I looked into his eyes for a minute, trying to see if anything had happened afterwards, then replied, "Has he done anything to you?" This time I was sure of it, my voice was the most concerned I'd ever heard it.

"Who? Robin? No, but that's not important. I want to know exactly what he did to you…that is, I mean…I only want to know because I'm really worried about you, Raven." He closed his eyes and held up his hands in defense as if I was going to lash out at him, but I merely sighed and turned away from him.

'Should I tell him? He already knows some of it, and I really need someone to talk to besides my emotions or I think I will go insane. Nevertheless, what if he's lying, what if he'll betray me, Malchior and Robin seemed nice in the beginning too.' ((Just give him a chance!)) One of my emotions, probably Kindness, interjected.

I took a deep breath in, and weakly agreed to tell him. "I-I'm not sure that I'm ready to tell everything, but…I'll try to open up."

His jaw dropped, and his tongue came lolling out of his mouth like a cartoon dog. "REALLY?"

"Mmm-hmm." I nodded. "But, let's wait until tomorrow, okay?" 'I've had all I can take for today, and I'm still not sure if this is a good idea.'

"Wow, I can't believe this! You've never opened up to me before…EVER!!! Yeah, I'll wait for something this huge!"

He got up and started dancing around the roof like an idiot. I watched him jump around laughing like a little boy at Christmas, and before knew it the corners of my mouth were turned up slightly. He looked back at me suddenly, his eyes widened with happiness, and he ran back over to me. He sat down in front of me with a huge, goofy grin on his face. I tried desperately to hide the fact that I'd been smiling, but I knew it was too late for that. 'He'll probably never let me live that down…'

"You know what, how about we go just have fun for a bit and forget about everything! The others are probably just eating pizza like we do every Friday night, and I'd rather be with you right now anyway. And I can't really hang with you at home; after all, they'd probably think it was pretty weird if we were spending time together."

'Wait, he wants to go somewhere and spend time with _me?_ Does he realize what he's saying? He can't seriously want to spend time with me instead of them…can he?' "Well…I dunno…" 'What if I can't control my emotions and something bad happens?' I thought worriedly.

"You know you want to, Rae." He pleaded and held out his hand.

'Well, maybe just this once. After all, it's better then going back down there and spending time with Robin.' "Okay, okay, let's go." I sighed and turned into a raven. 'Sorry Beast Boy, but the last time I took someone's hand it only led me to pain.'

"Follow me!" He said as he jumped off the building.

I looked at him incredulously for a minute, but he turned into a hawk about halfway down. I looked down at him like he was an idiot, then flew out over the ocean, closely behind him. I thought it odd that we didn't go into the city, but decided that he probably knew this area better than me, so I let it go.

After a couple minutes of flying, he started flying downward to a small clearing on the land to the east of us that looked out into the ocean. Huge trees that looked like they had been there for centuries surrounded this clearing.

When we landed, I looked around at the meadow with wide eyes. It had a bench and some blue flowers that had been messily planted, but the rest was entirely natural. "This place is really nice, Beast Boy. How did you find it?"

I glanced in his direction to see his face become slightly red. "Well…actually I was just flying around one day and kinda found it. I kept coming whenever I needed to be alone or something, and eventually I added a bench and even planted some flowers." He replied gesturing to the patch of violets.

"I never really thought of you as the flower type. " I remarked and sat down on the bench.

"I'm not, but when I saw these for some reason I just couldn't resist." He shrugged his shoulders and sat down next to me. He was so close that when he sat down our hands brushed against each other. I quickly pulled mine back and placed it on my lap.

The scenery around us was some of the most beautiful I had ever seen, but I couldn't really concentrate on it. I was too busy trying to keep my emotions in check. 'Why is he so close? He usually never even lets me within three feet of him! What is going on here? What's he staring at? What did I do?'

I shifted uncomfortably and asked, "What? Is there something on my face?" 'Oh yeah, great job sounding like an idiot, Raven.'

He looked down at his feet, turning crimson as he did so. "No, I was just…out of it I guess…sorry"

"It's okay." I looked down into my lap blushing as well. "Beast Boy?"

"Yes?"

"You were right…this was fun." I said looking up at him, wanting to smile, but deciding against it.

He gave me a broad smile and replied, "I'm glad you thought so! You're welcome to come with me whenever you want to."

"Could we, maybe come here to talk tomorrow?" 'It would be so much easier to speak my mind out here where I have no fear of Robin finding us.'

"Yeah, in fact, you could go ahead and tell me if ya want."

"Thanks, but right now, I think it's time to go home before the others get worried." 'Sorry, but that would way too much for today.'

"Alright, let's go then."

We quickly took off toward the tower and, once there, made up a story about Beast Boy patrolling the city. Cyborg made a crack about how he couldn't stay awake long enough for that. Beast Boy challenged him to a video game-off, but lost because he kept looking over at me instead of the screen. I think he might've been worried or something, because I saw him shoot a couple of death glares at Robin too.

After drinking a cup of herbal tea and talking to Starfire for a while, I decided to go back to my room. 'Wow today was so…weird.' I thought as I sat down at my desk to write some poetry.

Friends 

_Always there_

_Honest, loyal, and true_

_My wonderful extended family_

_Forever_

_Love_

_Bittersweet mystery_

_Accepts all parts of me_

_He takes away my sorrows_

_Bliss_

'What's happening to me? How could I write something like this? Ever since I unleashed those emotions I've been so confused! This love thing is harder than I remembered. I don't even know what to do anymore! No, I remember what to do…I remember what it's like…..I remember everything.'

_Lies_

_Budding atrocities_

_Tear tender skin_

_Was it all really worth it_

_Suicide_

I looked down at what I had written, and smirked in spite of myself. I knew that was all that love would ever be for me, and yet part of me wanted to keep dreaming. Part of me wanted to believe in the storybook romances, and for once in my life, that part of me was winning; even though I didn't know it yet.

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**A/N: Well? It's the end of Chapter 2…do you know what that means? Awww c'mon! It's review time people!!!! Pwease?**

**- Megan**

**POLL:**

**Whose POV do you like better?**

**Raven**

**Beast Boy**

**Both; I like when it switches**

**Neither; try 3rd person**


	3. Don't Tell Me You're Leaving

Chapter 3: Don't Tell Me You're Leaving

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Teen Titans…because mama says teen titans is the devil. ((I also don't own The Waterboy))**

**Sorry that Chapter 2 took so long to get up, but I was in a car wreck, and I think my beta was off in lala land or something.**

**Okay so I know that I just keep adding emotions but I can't help it! **

**Hyper: highlighter yellow**

**Obsessive Compulsive: rainbow of neon colors**

**Stupidity: plaid ((yeah I know, I like plaid too, but it is the traditional lumberjack/farmer/redneck look))**

**Immaturity: Macaroni and Cheese ((aka Kroff Dinnah)) colored**

**Feminism: Magenta**

**Nerdy: Chrome**

**Here are the ages I've decided to use for the sake of my fic…I have no idea what their real ones are. In the comic books, Dick says something about being 14, but that was when he was partners with Speedy, Aqualad, and Wondergirl. And I heard that BB was 16 when he tried to join but they at first wouldn't let him because of his age. AND I guess Raven would have to be 18 because of the whole "Birthmark" thing…bottom line, I have no freakin' idea, so deal with it.**

**Raven – 18**

**Beast Boy – 16**

**Robin – 17**

**Cyborg – 18**

**Starfire – 165 ((but when she's on Earth she claims to be 16))**

**beautifulpurpleflame: thank you, and I hope you like my sorry attempt at 1st person. Your drawings are soooooooooo awesome!!**

**ahility: LOL! Yay for meds!! Yeah, something like that'll happen eventually honestly I'm just not sure what I'm gonna do about him yet, but my head is so full of great ideas for this story! Yeah I know what you mean, I'm not a big Robin fan either. I fell into going over a lot in my last story, but in this one I'll try to stay away from it because I agree with you. There's just one other time I think I'm going to do that in this fic…thanks! Glad you like it!**

**Shoraku: yeah yeah…..with the Grayson thing…I still can't believe I did that. That's okay I forget everything!! Lol. 3rd huh? Well you'll like this chapter then. I'm glad that you think the story is good enough to overlook that! It makes me feel happy inside!!! Don't worry his treachery will only be a main event for a little while longer…then something even worse will happen…duh duh DUN!!**

**Moving Mountains: wow thank you so much! I was concerned when I started that I wouldn't be able to get the characters attitudes and personalities very well. I think that I will do that, because I want to learn how to write in 3rd person better, but I still want to stay with my comfort zone a bit, so I'll probably just switch back and forth.**

**Descendant of Doom: what a long review!! Oh how I love long reviews! You just got serious moosey points!!! Oh I bet that took forever! I don't plan to change my story, I'll just switch around as far as POV goes. Well, I'm glad you think it's interesting, in my future stories I think I'll use him as a nice guy more often than not, but this is just a fun idea to play with. Plus, as I said before, he's just TOO perfect! Yep they show up in this chapter actually! They'll probably show up a lot in the later chapters too. Oh and this first part of the chapter gives you a HUGE sneak preview into what Raven and BB are going to find out.**

**I'm glad you don't think that I put too many in, personally my favourites are the ones I thought of in this chapter. Hey, you can make your reviews as long as you want! I really enjoyed reading yours, and I know that it'll help me in my writing!**

**DeathIsWatching: Yep! I love updating I'm sorry it took so long! Yay! I like to hear that I made someone's day happier!! That's a really interesting point that I could go into a HUGE discussion about because it could go so many ways! Which I would be more than happy to talk you about if you wanted to email me because it's a lot to talk about just for a review reply. But for the purpose of the fic she'll stay this time. In the immortal words of the Kool-Aid guy: "OH YEAH!!" I got to be someone's hero:D As previously stated, I LOVE LONG REVIEWS!!!!! So please feel free to leave more.**

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((Raven's POV))

((10 years ago in a very bad part of the city))

Darkness was falling upon the gargantuan skyscrapers as I searched the alleys for cover. Though having no place to go in a city full of cruel people wasn't unusual for me, something about tonight was different. Usually the coming of darkness was something I welcomed because it allowed me to escape from the world and pretend I was someone else in dreams, but tonight it seemed to hover over me ominously. Tonight it seemed to transcend the levels of the atmosphere and creep into my soul.

I rummaged through countless bins of garbage before I found a suitable shelter to sleep in. It was merely a cardboard box to most people, old, raggedy, and it smelled strongly of musty feet, but to me it was a luxury. I hoisted it onto the top of my head, and began carrying it in the direction of a small public park that was nearby. I set my home up inside a cluster of bushes so the police that patrolled the area at night wouldn't see it unless they were sure something was in that exact spot, then got up to look for useful items people might have left in the park.

I walked around the park picking up as many picnic blankets, pieces of clothing, dollar bills, and other lost items until the darkness finally enveloped the city in its icy grip. I was on my way back to my box when a man stepped right in front of me. He was of small stature, he was probably only about 20, had a bottle of beer in his hand, and smelled strongly of marijuana. I knew right away that this man's intentions were going to be of the worst kind and tried to run, but his hand clamped me tightly around the wrist so I could not get away.

"You're comin' with me," He said menacingly.

All I could do was widen my eyes and struggle to get out of his grip. He laughed at my pitiful attempt to get free. I was getting desperate, and I began chanting. He kept asking me what I was doing, first teasing, then his voice began to quiver with fear. My body started to glow with black light, and soon the man lay on the ground next to me knocked out. Another adult suddenly came over to us cursing at me to leave the man alone.

"You get away from him, devil child!" He yelled while chucking a stone at me.

"Yeah you little freak!" A woman chortled.

Suddenly, a mob was upon me; throwing stones and cursing at me. I tried to run, but every time I was thrown back into the middle. I looked at them all, my every breath filled with rage, but I had exhausted a lot of power just from getting that one man to leave me alone. I knew there was no way I could take on an entire mob. As if my prayers had been answered, a person about my height who was wearing a chicken suit jumped down in the middle of the mob with me.

"Get away from her!" The person, who judging from the voice was a boy, yelled.

"AHHHHHHH!!!!! It's Chickenfoot!!" A man in the mob screamed and ran off**. ((A/N: p.s. I don't own Invader Zim either)) **

"Shield your eyes!" A blond woman near the front shrieked, put her hands over her eyes, and also ran off.

After the mob ran away in fear, he turned to me. The front of his costume said 'Thirsty for Chicken?,' and though the beak was open so his face showed, it was covered by a black mask. "Um…thank you." I said weakly.

He beamed at me showing straight, white teeth. "No problem! Do you have shelter for tonight?"

"Yes, my…box." I looked down out of embarrassment.

"Box?" He chuckled, "Come with me, it's not safe to be in only a box around here!"

"Um…" I started to protest, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me along with him.

We walked in silence for a while, until he asked, "So, what's your name anyway?"

"Rachel. What about you?"

"I'm Garfield Logan. Do your parents know where you're at?"

"They…they're dead."

"Dead? That's horrible! What happened?"

"Erm…a car crash. What about yours?"

He stopped walking and suddenly looked down, and even in the dim light of the street lamps I could see that his eyes were dark with sorrow. "They were afraid of me, so I left." **((A/N: yes, I KNOW that they really fell off of a waterfall in Africa, but making it this way helps the plot flow more smoothly))**

"Why were they afraid of you?" I asked looking into his big eyes.

"If I told you, you'd hate me." He whispered and began walking again.

"Garfield, I wouldn't hate you, you just saved me," I insisted.

"That's what they all said, my teachers, my friends, and even my family, but when I showed them, they screamed and ran from me."

"I-I don't know what to say." I put a hand on his shoulder.

He turned his head, but said nothing. We walked down a couple more streets until we got to the coast. He took me to a small campsite under a bridge and smirked. "Welcome to paradise."

He was joking, but it was the most civilized looking home I'd seen in a while. Garfield started a small fire with some sticks that were laying around, and gestured toward a small pile of blankets. I gave him a look that said 'Are you seriously telling me you're that nice?'

He frowned, "I know it isn't the greatest, but I promise you that it's more comfy than a box."

"No, it's not that, it's just people aren't usually this nice to me…I guess I'm not really sure how to react." I walked over to sit down on the "bed." He was right, it was soft.

"So do you like chicken?"

"Well, I guess you could say I'm thirsty for it right now…" I smiled at him, and he chuckled looking down at his chest.

"Good, because I found some fried chicken today, but I'm a vegan so I needed someone else to eat it."

He tossed me a bucket full of fried chicken. "But what are you going to eat?"

"Me? Oh, I've got some salad." He said rummaging through a bunch of plastic containers until he came upon a half-eaten salad. "Well, this is nice. It's been a while since I've had a friend." He poked half-heartedly at the salad.

I looked down into the bucket, "I know how that feels…I can't remember the last time something like this happened to me."

"Um…since you are here and everything I was wondering if you wouldn't mind…um…" He looked down stuttering wildly.

"What?" I asked cocking my head slightly to the side.

"Well, if maybe you'd let touch your skin…just for a second!"

I looked at him strangely. My skin? What was so special about skin? "…okay," I replied slowly.

"One more thing, could you close your eyes?" He asked as he inched closer to me

"I…I don't know…"

"Please? Just for a second?!?" He pleaded.

Though it was against my better judgement I complied with his wishes. "Fine," I sighed finally.

I closed my eyes and heard him hurriedly take of his mask. He grabbed my hand with his "wing" and touched it to his face. "It's been over a year since I've felt the touch of human skin." He whispered wistfully.

He pulled me into a hug and our cheeks brushed, he held onto me for only a second then quickly put his mask back on. "You can open your eyes again, Rachel."

I looked up at him, he was standing now and the light from the fire flickered across his face, which was stained by tears. I reached into my hood and took out my only possession, a small, plush wolf. I held it out to him and said, "Take this, so you can always remember what it feels like."

He stared at me for a second, then grabbed the small toy. "Why?" He asked incredulously.

"Because I love you." I gasped at what I had said, and ran away from him as fast as I could. I heard him call my name, but my feelings were in an uproar, and I refused to go back. "I really do love you, Garfield Logan." I whispered as tears poured down my face.

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((A/N: Okay, so a few people have asked for third person, which I don't do very often so bear with me because I'm trying! Here goes nothing…))

((3rd person omniscient))

((Present))

'It was that dream again.' Raven thought solemnly to herself as she turned over in bed to check her clock. "Ten! How is it already ten?"

She sighed and started getting ready to take a shower. With one last wistful look at her bed, Raven went into her bathroom and turned on the hot water. She quickly undressed and got into the shower; the water was steamy and relaxing, and helped her focus on meditation. Raven knew that if she planned on going through with telling Beast Boy about my past, then she would need all the emotional control she could possibly muster.

When she got out of the shower, she put on her normal outfit, brushed her teeth and hair, and used her vanilla sugar scented body lotion on her legs and hands. Vanilla was a perfect scent for her. It was simplicity with elegance, light with a dark edge to it, mysterious and complex, yet oddly easy to figure out. It was a simpler pleasure; something that just liked to be left alone.

She walked out of her room and knocked quietly on Beast Boy's door. "Beast Boy?" She called. She knocked again, but to no avail.

After several minutes of waiting She decided to simply venture in and see if he was still asleep. She didn't see him at first, because his bed was loaded with…art supplies? There were crayons, pastels, paint brushes, chalk, charcoal, paint tubes, pencils, erasers, clay, markers, watercolors, and colored pencils everywhere. On top of all the supplies was a medium sized green sketchbook adorned with small doodles and writing. She picked it up, and in doing so, uncovered Beast Boy's face by accident. He must have sensed that he was no longer suffocating, because his eyes opened wide, and he turned and looked at her.

"Hey Rae, What's goin' on?" He yawned.

"You draw?" Raven raised her eyebrows and held up the sketchbook.

"Gimme that!" He jumped up and quickly stole the book from her arms. After he had safely hid it under the huge mountain of art supplied he replied, "Yeah, I draw sometimes…so, are ya ready to go?"

'Just change the subject why don't you?' "Yes, let's go before we draw too much attention."

"Right!" He ran into his bathroom, brushed his teeth and hair, and ran back into his bedroom in record time.

"Let's head out through your window," She suggested.

"That way no one will notice that we're gone. Good idea. Let's go!" He ran and jumped out of his window and into the rising sun. She soon followed, and before she knew it, they were at the clearing.

They took their respective seats on the opposite sides of the bench, and Beast Boy looked at her expectantly. "Well, where do I begin?" She mused.

"How about when you and Robin started going out or whatever." He said sounding very bitter towards the situation.

Raven looked at him for a moment then replied slowly, "Okay, but you have to-to promise me that you won't hate me if I tell you." 'If I told you, you'd hate me.' The words from her dream rang clearly in her head, but she knew this was no time to be dwelling on Garfield.

"Raven, I would never hate you, we're friends remember?" Beast Boy looked at her sympathetically.

'…It's been a while since I've had a friend.' Her eyes widened, 'No, not again! Why now? Stupid thoughts! I'll probably never see him again anyway!' She concluded solemnly. "Yeah…friends." She breathed.

"So…" He coaxed gently. 'She's acting really strange, I hope she's okay.'

Raven sighed. "After the world almost ended I was closer to Robin than ever, I talked to him and even opened up to him a bit. Well, as we started spending more and more time together he started asking me if I could love. At first it was innocent, just small trivial questions, then it turned into something…something else. He would sometimes play mind games with me and ask for sexual favors, and pretty soon he was out of control." She shuddered as if winds from a blizzard had suddenly racked her body.

"Why didn't you tell him to stop?" Beast Boy questioned looking at her with emerald eyes full of hurt.

"I tried! I did everything I could but somehow he'd find a way to restrain me from using my powers or make me feel like I owed him whatever he wanted. He toyed with my emotions until one day I finally took control and told him never to touch me again and blasted him out of my room." 'My emotions are getting restless, they'll consume me if I can't get more control!'

"You mean that night when you blew up half of your room and Robin told us your powers suddenly went out of whack for no reason?"

"Yeah, of all the things Robin is, he was never an imaginative guy."

"But there's one thing I don't understand, did you love him or not?"

"Love is a strong word, Beast Boy. No, I did feel very strongly for him at first, but I would never call what I felt for him love. I've only truly loved once…a long time ago." She looked away from him and out to the ocean as she said that. 'Must…stay…in…control!'

"Malchior?" He continued to look at her though her gaze remained on the sea.

She froze suddenly as if a bucket of ice cold water had been thrown on her. She furrowed her brows painfully. 'No! Hold on Raven, hold on!!' She tried desperately to save herself from being overtaken.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, Raven!" He put a gloved hand on her shoulder in hopes of consoling her, but that only served to anger her further.

She looked back at him with fire in her eyes. Suddenly, a rock near them rose up high in the air and burst. "DON'T touch me!" She glowered at him with glowing red eyes.

He jumped off the bench and ran to the other side of the clearing. "Raven, calm down! I just want to help you!"

"Help?!?" She raged, "There is no one who can help me! I end up hurting everyone around me! I can never be helped! I was supposed to live and die alone, and look at me! I'm on a team of heroes helping people when I am the very thing they should fear and hate most! Trigon may not have ended the world, but I am still his vile, tainted creation! My only purpose was to act as a portal and now that I can no longer do that I should be dead, but I'm not and it's all because of Love!" She let out a huge amount of energy that sent a tremor throughout the land, then fell out of the sky unconscious.

Beast Boy ran over to her and cradled her body in his arms. "She's out cold; she must have exhausted a lot of power."

He turned into a pterodactyl and as gently as he could clasped his talons around her small body. 'I'll take her to the infirmary and run some tests to make sure she's okay.' He thought gravely as he looked down at the poor girl with remorseful eyes.

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((In Raven's Mind))

"What am I doing here?" Raven asked a group of her emotions.

"We called you here." Intelligence remarked.

"Why?" She asked grumpily.

"OOH, PICK ME! PICK ME!!!" Hyper exclaimed.

"NO! I wanna do it!" Immaturity whined.

"OH MY GOD!! You just put one too many wrinkles in your cloak Immaturity! Everyone else had exactly 12, but you have 13 now!!!!" Obsessive Compulsive shrieked.

"SHUT UP!" Raven yelled.

"Your not the boss of me!" Immaturity retorted.

"I liked you better when you were locked up!" Bravery growled.

"C'mon now, settle down everyone!" Kindness interjected.

"Yeah, you guys. Let's all just sit down and talk this over and I'm sure everything will be better!" Innocence declared.

"Except for the fact that you have yet to tell me why the hell I'm here in the first place!"

"Well, that's an easy one! Rage and Love are at each other's throats again!" Happiness giggled.

Raven looked at her blankly for a moment, then looked around for a sign of the red cloak wearing menace. "Where is she?" Raven asked Kindness.

"I'm afraid they're farther down. We all came up here to avoid Anger, but I'll come with you if you need the help." She offered politely.

Raven gave her tired look, but said, "No, there's no sense getting more of my emotions in this than I have to."

"Good Luck!" Bravery came over to her as she said that and looked into her eyes. "You're going to need it."

Raven nodded to her and began floating toward the way Kindness had pointed. 'I'm in for a struggle.' She thought to herself.

As Raven neared the two she heard Anger yell, "You leave him out of this! He has no place in our lives and he never will!" She then shot Love with a blast of black light.

"You're wrong and you know it, Anger! He's closer than ever and I won't let you ruin this for us! We could be free! Don't you understand that we **need** him?" Love defended as she dodged another blast.

"I don't need ANYONE!" Anger roared sending a barrage of blasts down near Love. She was about to go in for the kill when Raven knocked her out of the sky.

Raven pushed Anger's face down in the dirt and menacingly warned, "Don't touch her again, I can't handle you two acting like this all the time!"

"And just what the hell are you going to do if I don't? Lock me up again? I'll just break free, or some idiot around here will convince you to let me out!"

Raven snarled at her knowing that as much as she hated it, Anger's words were truthful. "Don't touch her." She repeated and let go of Anger's arms only to bind them with chains.

"Is she okay?" Love asked as she floated over to them.

"She'll be fine, she just needs to quell her bitchy attitude." Raven replied.

Love laughed, "Yes, but we have more important things to discuss!"

Raven cocked an eyebrow, "Like what?"

"Don't fill her up with you filth, Love!" Anger growled.

Love shot her a disgusted look, then turned back to Raven. "You've been opening up to people! You're in better control of your emotions than ever, and best of all you've been dreaming about him more lately!"

"How could that **ever** be considered a good thing?" Raven asked incredulously.

"The more you dream the closer he gets!"

"But…I've dreamt of him almost every night this week! Does that mean…?"

"Yes, Raven, he's closer than you think…"

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((Infirmary))

"Raven? Raven are you awake yet?" Beast Boy called from a chair by her bed in the infirmary.

Raven was only semi-conscious, and kept going in and out of her mind and the infirmary. Her head was swimming with the thoughts of what had happened. She reluctantly opened her eyelids and looked over at Beast Boy. 'He's closer than you think…'

"Closer…" She murmured weakly.

'She wants me to come closer? She must be really sick!' Beast Boy got out of his chair and leaned over her bed. "Is everything okay, Rae?"

"G-garfield….." She moaned closing her eyes again. 'Where am I? What's going on?' She though lazily.

'She couldn't have just…..' "What did you just call me, Raven?" He looked down at her limp body.

Suddenly she snapped back to reality. 'He can't know about that! What happened between Gar and I is none of his business and I want to keep it that way!' Her head spinned trying to think of a way out of her current situation.

"Um…You know…Garfield…that moronic cat comic from the Sunday newspapers." She tried to give him her most convincing 'I totally meant to do that' look.

"Right…why?" He gave her a look resembling the one she always gave him when he said something particularly stupid.

"I have a sudden urge to read that comic…it's been a while since I've read the Sunday paper." Raven lied more confidently now.

"Okay, well, I'll go see if we have one lying around." He snapped back to his normal not suspicious self and briskly walked out the door to go track down the paper.

"Phew…that was way to close." Raven sighed with relief.

"Friend Raven! Friend Raven are you feeling better?" Starfire called through the door.

"Yes, Starfire, you can come in."

She squealed and opened the door. "Friend Beast Boy told us of your encounter with Jinx and Mammoth! I'm sure you're exhausted after all of that, especially the part about the beaver driving a dump truck!"

Raven mentally shook her head. 'Beast Boy, you come up with the weirdest stuff sometimes.' "Yeah, Starfire, I'm still pretty tired." She grimaced pretending to be in pain.

'Of all the titans I hate lying to, I hate lying to Starfire the most. She's never been anything but nice to me, and I keep pushing her away.' Raven thought remorsefully.

"Do you want me to leave so you can get some rest?"

"No, that's okay, Star. Why don't you just talk to me for a while."

She grinned broadly at me. "About what?" She asked excitedly.

"Anything you want; listening to you will help me relax."

"Okay! Well yesterday friends Robin and Cyborg went shopping with me and we bought a myriad of Earth clothes including a "bra" which I had yet to hear of. I asked friends Robin and Cyborg about them, but they simply turned red and changed the subject. I find it strange how an article of clothing could cause such embarrassment…"

Starfire talked on for what seemed like forever to Raven, which left her alone with her thoughts. She quieted her mind and began meditating for a while only to stop once in a while to give Starfire some vague reply. After a while she simply let her mind wander. It went from her life, to the end of the world, to the titans, to Terra, to Beast Boy, to Robin, to her emotions, then to Garfield.

It seemed no matter what she did she couldn't keep him out of her mind for very long. She wondered where he was, what he was doing, and how soon would she see him again. One thought frightened her, and that was that even if she saw him she may not recognize him because she never really saw him. What if he simply passed her on the street one day and she never saw him again? Is it possible that he could just slip past her one day?

"Rae? Hello, Earth to Rae!" She jumped out of her reverie to see Beast Boy standing next to Starfire with about thirty Sunday papers. He carefully placed them on the foot of her bed, all the while keeping his eyes on her.

"Thanks…" She voiced monotonously.

"Friend Raven, I must go!" Starfire suddenly ran out of the door.

"What was that about?" Beast Boy asked looking at the cloud of dust left by the alien.

"Maybe she had better things to do," Raven suggested bitterly not necessarily toward Starfire, but toward herself. 'Who would want to stay with me anyway, they'll just end up unsatisfied with me.'

"Well, that's great for Star, but I can't think of anything I'd rather do then help out a friend," He smiled kindly at the girl on the bed. 'I don't know why she thinks she's worthless. She means more to me than most….wait a minute! I meant to this **team.** She means a lot to this **team!** Not to me, she's just a friend after all. Yeah, just a friend.' Beast Boy felt himself flush and quickly looked away from Raven.

'Is he…blushing? What did I do?' "Are you okay?" Raven asked

He tried to mask the fact he was blushing, but knowing that her eyes were on him only made him blush more. "Yeah, I just need to get some water." He replied weakly and scampered out of the room.

"This day just keeps getting weirder and weirder." Raven sighed softly as she laid back down on her bed.

Meanwhile Beast Boy was standing outside the door to the infirmary. 'What just happened? My heart rate suddenly skyrocketed and my face became hot and I acted like a total idiot! Wait, why do I care how I acted? It's just Raven, it's not like she cares. She sees me act like an idiot all the time!' He walked down the hall into the main room of the tower to get a drink.

'It's funny, she reminds me of someone. Someone I used to know, yet have never meant. I mean like a dream or a thought rather than a memory. Like more of an idea than a person. Where was I going with this? I don't even know what I'm saying.' He got some water and headed back to the infirmary only to find Raven sleeping peacefully.

"You must've been really exhausted after using all of that energy, huh?" I whispered to her sleeping form. "You know, you shouldn't think you're worthless or that nobody loves you, because there's so much to love. I mean you're beautiful, smart, strong, brave, and very kind, when you want to be." He smirked at that last part, then reached out and took her hand in his. "What I really mean to say is that I'll always be your friend and be here for you, so if you ever feel bad about yourself then I want you to come to me so I can remind you just how wonderful you are. You mean a lot to me, Raven; a lot more than you know." He kissed her hand lightly, carefully placed back by her side, and sat down on the chair near the bed to watch over her as she slept.

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**A/N: awwwwwwwwwww!!! How cute, and it's only gonna keep getting better!! Ooh I'm so excited!!!! YAY!! So you know what you want to do as I sit here with my hands cramping like hell? That's right, you want to review!!!!!!**

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